A man with greasy jeans, a flannel shirt, and work boots approaches the headwaiter in an elegant restaurant.

The man says, "Hey buddy, where's your crapper?"

The headwaiter calmly replies, "Go down the hall and turn left. When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen,' pay absolutely no attention to it and go right inside." [read more]

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctors office?

A: Because it was feeling crummy. [read more]

A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car.

He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.

Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.

A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs. [read more]

Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy?

A. It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month.... [read more]

Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.

"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell." [read more]

The king of a small African nation had an elegant golden throne in his large grass hut. When an old friend came to visit from another nation, he was worried that the man would discover he was a king and treat him differently. He searched frantically for a place to hide the throne, but to no avail. Finally, he decided to have it wedged up in the ceiling of his hut. When his friend arrived, he went to the hut's opening to greet him. Just then the ceiling started to give way, and the golden throne fell on the king, killing him.
The moral of the story is this: People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones.' [read more]

Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?

Her panties fit her like a glove! [read more]

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb?

One hundred.

One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths. [read more]

Yo' Mama is so fat, her senior photo is an aerial shot. [read more]

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

“It's all your fault!” [read more]

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second hand shop. [read more]

Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, two, one, two, three, four! [read more]

How does a tree get pregnant?
By a woodpecker! [read more]

Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

'Cause he was dead! [read more]

Yo' Mama is so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes. [read more]

Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time and reminds him to be still and keep quiet.

An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve screaming behind him. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" says Joe.

"Hey, I kept quiet when the snake bit me," says Steve, "and I was quiet when the fox attacked me. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg just now, I heard one ask the other, 'Should we eat them now or take them with us?'" [read more]