My dog snores

My dog snores and farts like your Uncle Bootsie. My dog, intakes air through his nose that sounds like a small child whistling Dixie at high noon. Most times, you can see his mouth gaped open and tongue laying leisurely on the floor.

Now his flatulence is deserving of an entire devoted paragraph. I feed him the same food each day. So where is the stink-stink coming from? Yes, yes, I do give him scrapes of table food from time to time, but I try to make sure it’s stuff like pieces of chicken or turkey, nothing too saucy or starchy. I’ve seen him be sound asleep snoring loudly and then this noise which sounds like a gong being beat explodes from his hiney. WTF??? And what’s funnier is that it’ll wake him up and he’ll raise his head slightly, perk his floppy ears and look at ME??!! Eww…you nasty creature, don’t look at me! You did it, I don’t have nothing to do with you lighting your ass on fire.

Then he rolls back over and commences his vivacious singing while snoozing. I often think what man will accept me and all that comes with me, including my mutt who farts and snores. This is important to me that whoever shows interest in me, must love dogs. Especially a flatulent mutt who tries to blame you for sending suffocating fumes which touch every four corners of the room!

I sometimes worry that maybe my dog has allergies or asthma, then who’s gonna love me? It’s hard enough accepting me with my bodily functions, allergies, asthma, IBS and arthritis, now he has to take the dog too? That’s a lot of pressure, expectation and responsibility. Am I asking too much? Really, honestly, seriously…what is a girl to do?

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