Ghetto booty? I think not!

This needs to be said. My intentions are earnest, albeit my patience dwindling. I implore all girls reading this to take it seriously, to understand the verisimilitude in my claims, and to reference back to this before committing the unthinkable. (Which I will arrive at soon)

I believe it was Jennifer Lopez who set the precedent for fat, fine asses (if you will). Or perhaps Sir Mix A lot's lovely ballad really popularized the trend. Just as tan lines and pubes became hopelessly outdated, so did the trend of high wasted jeans that hid, rather than accentuated, the curves of the ass. America was propelled into unknown territory as the ass was embraced and tits disregarded.

I have no qualms with this. I, too, celebrate the rise of the big ass, and pity the people circa 1990 who held flat butts in high acclaim. And why the hell shouldn't big asses be idolized? If we can cherish body parts meant for nourishment, why not cherish those meant for decrement?

Big asses are totally sexual, folks, and I'll be the first to admit it; however, with the shift in attention from T to A, a superfluity of ambiguities have surfaced. Every, single god-damn girl thinks she has a huge ass. 4 in 5 girls, when asked, will admit to having a "ghetto booty", while the other girl prefers the term "J.Lo". This is entirely impossible. Statistically, only 1 in 1000 girls actually has an ass that fit's the standards, muscularly and in circumference, of this supposed "ghetto booty". So why all the false claims?

Through diligent observation, I've categorized the most common "ass imposters" into two neat little groups. Hopefully this will provide some insight to those of you who have mistakenly cried "ghetto booty" one too many times.

The Overweight

Sorry to say it, hon, but the reason that your ass is larger than life has nothing to do with your amazing genetics. You've dined on French fries one too many times, and as a result you've grown exponentially in all areas. Sir Mix A lot himself even had to approach this problem after his hit song came out. I believe he said something along the lines of: "Yes, you have back, but you also have stomach and thighs and neck."

While overweight women are usually quick to boast of having a "ghetto booty", chunky girls aren't innocent, either. This is where category one ramifies a bit, making this slightly more confusing. In order to clear up any confusions, I've taken the courtesy to provide a template of sorts for girls to follow in the event they aren't sure.
Ask yourself the following question: If I were of the recommended weight for my height, would my ass still be considered astronomically gargantuan? Additionally, one can access the authenticity of their ass by considering it in proportion with the rest of their body; essentially, it may be big, but so is the rest of you!

The girl with a Nice (Yet not particularly large) Ass

This fallacy is probably most common, and also one that needs the most clearing up. There is a huge difference between a "nice ass" and a "****ing humongous nice ass" The terms "ghetto booty" and "J.Lo Booty" and anything in between do, in fact, fall under "****ing humongous, yet nice" Words do little to explain this concept, so instead I'll make reference to pictorials for assistance.

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